A Rose by Any Other Name is a Different Friggin Rose

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  1. 01. Clever Little Madam

    I didn’t change my name either, for all of the same reasons. I closely identify with my family from whom my name came and by the time I got married, I was me – unwilling to meld into a whole other family and lose my connection….how would anyone know who I was? I am tickled when someone calls me by my husband’s last name, but I am not changing mine. Thanks for writing about this.

  2. 02. colette

    I love hearing that, especially since you and your hubby have such a fantastic marriage. You two epitomize the true meaning of a loving partnership, and you do it with separate names. To me, that’s ideal.

  3. 03. Ruth

    Last August, I was while back east visiting my parents for the first time since becoming engaged, my father waited until he and I were alone to say, “I have to ask you something.” I was nervous. I’m 45. He still makes me nervous sometimes, maybe because his voice is so deep and he’s very tall and often grumpy. He asked, “Will you be taking Andy’s name?” What a surprise. “No, Dad. I’m keeping our name.” I think the old guy teared up he was so happy. I know I did.

  4. 04. colette

    How wonderful that your dad cares so much, and how wonderful that you used the word “our” rather than “my” to refer to your shared surname. What an embracive, positive way own your name and acknowledge his concern.

  5. 05. ninadeutsch2013

    One of the core issues here is the professional recognition power of the former name. If the woman has already created a big audience for her maiden name. why change it if she plans to continue the same kind of work. this is a business decision.

  6. 06. colette

    I agree. That was one of my primary concerns when I was getting married. I was established in a legal career with my own surname, and I had just started a new career as a writer with that same name. To change that name would lose me whatever professional goodwill I’d built up.

  7. 07. docr8der

    As a man with three professional sisters, one in academics, one a business woman, and the baby an equestrian, along with a strong (RIP) mother and numerous female friends who are either teaching professionals, military veterans or just plain smart and independent thinkers regardless of career, when it came time for marriage I said ‘it’s your name, keep it.’
    I may be a dinosaur (1954) but I just dont get the change your name hooey attached to society. My wife established her naval career with the name she took out of USNA, not with mine.
    I always told my friends and extended family I had four heroes in my life growing up, which did not include two older brothers, and I always made sure to put the lid down for those four!

  8. 08. colette

    All men should be as confident and supportive as you. You’ve created a family where love and commitment aren’t yoked to a name. Your wife and daughters have a gem in you.

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