My book officially launches in less than a week. Squee!

Around midday today, it hit me: Once Removed, my debut short story collection, launches in less than a week.

My hands didn’t shake. My stomach didn’t flutter. I was fine. This was no big deal. I kept critiquing student stories (which are woefully overdue, god help me).

But now, every hour or so, my throat clenches so hard it makes me gag. Plus, I’ve hidden all my ARCs; and the bookmarks I had made; and the posters of my cover.

I’m trying to pretend nothing of import is upcoming. That I don’t care. That this is no big deal, because if it’s no big deal, then whatever happens next can’t get me down. That’s my usual MO, especially with my creative life, to pretend what really matters doesn’t.

But this is a big deal to me. I should be excited and overwhelmed and nervous and all the other feeling words that I’m supposed to unpack instead of state outright.

But this is me unpacking my emotions, by actually stating that I have them, and doing so publicly (or at least to my small audience of friends and family). This is me saying I’m going to cry on Sunday, my Nonno’s birthday which is also my first book’s birthday, I’m going to cry because I never thought I’d give birth to anything but a boy. I’m going to cry because my mother won’t be there to share the moment with me. I’m going to cry that Grandma Sartor won’t ever read the stories about Rose, the character who so vividly evokes my grandmother for me.

But I’m going to be happy it’s happening. And I’m going to try not to care what other people think about the book. I’m going to keep loving it for what it is, for having been able to produce it, for being able to write as truthfully and openly as possible.

And I’m going to be grateful to everyone who reads it, even if they hate it.

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A Birthday Cocktail for Once Removed →